2.27.2013

THAT TIME I WON THE LOTTERY


last night, sometime around two in the morning, i was barely awake and kept telling myself to remember that i needed to buy a lottery ticket today. because maybe i'll win? maybe i'm the lucky kind? and think of all the things i could buy with my winnings! boats! candy! cashmere underwear! i promised myself not to forget this.

so, i woke up and forgot. i went about my day and chugged along.

at the gym, (do you like how i say it so it sounds like i go a lot? i don't.) i almost died. no really, someone tripped me on the track. not really.

i came home and headed to costco for a delicious meal.

we stopped on the way for cash at the grocery store atm.

which was conveniently located right next to a lottery ticket vending machine (!!!) ah! yes! the l o t t o! that fortuitous washington lotto! the signs were all there, were they not?!

i put in two dollars and pressed for the one that was coffee scented because how much fun does that sound? ( for the written record: just smells like a weird chocolate scented deodorant? yes, that's my best description.)

i got my ticket and told myself, here it is. you're going to be l-u-c-k-y today. (i don't suppose any of you know that patty loveless song? because why would you, really?)

and then i went to scratch my ticket. my winning numbers as listed: eleven and twenty eight. oh, how much fun my new found wealth was going to be! i started to scratch the numbers and little by little nothing proved to be promising. only one square was left. the suspense! i took a deep breath, and pressed the nickel into the shimmering silver mask andddddd w-i-n-n-e-rrrrrr!! winner, winner! i'm a winner! chicken dinner?

lies.

i didn't win the lottery and what did i learn? don't spend two effing dollars on a lottery ticket when you could have bought a slice of pizza + drink at costco with that hard earned cheddah.
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did you just think, hey, this was a really pointless post"?

i know, right?

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